Kahlil Gibran

Let not the waves of the sea separate us now, and the years you have spent in our midst become a memory.
you have walked among us a spirit, and your shadow has been a light upon our faces.
Much have we loved you. But speechless was our love, and with veils has it been veiled.
yet now it cries aloud unto you, and would stand revealed before you.
And ever has it been that love knows its own depth until the hour of separation.
. . .

Deep is your longing for the land of your memories and the dwelling place of your greater desires; and our love would not bind you nor our needs hold you.

. . .

In your aloneness you have watched with our days, and in your wakefulness you have listened to the weeping and the laughter of our sleep.

. . .

...Speak to us of Love. And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you, follow him,
thought his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
and when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred freast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in there heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
but if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
to know the pain of too much tenderness.
to be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
to wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
to return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

. . .

...let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love on another, but make not a bond of lov:
Let it rather be a moving sea betwen the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give on another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

...And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillar of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and teh cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

. . .

...Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your eing, the more joy you can contain.
...is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say,"Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alones with you are your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced...

Misunderstanding

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

I'll always love you and make you happy,
If you will only say the same.
But if you leave me and love another,
You'll regret it all some day:

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

You told me once, dear, you really loved me
And no one else could come between.
But not you've left me and love another;
You have shattered all of my dreams:

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

In all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me
When I awake my poor heart pains.
So when you come back and make me happy
I'll forgive you dear, I'll take all the blame.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away


I don't know... I'm staying off msn. I can't remember my other blog's name now and I just need to vent. The past 3 days have been good for me... I looked into getting my drum lessons, got my new look, scheduled- then Rescheduled- my tattoo, got my FREE piercing, hung out with my sister... so on and so forth.

Megs was unwell and couldn't see me so we hung out with Ashley. We did some fun stuff and went to anchorage. I was unable to go see the Hoons tonight because I got upset. I shouldn't have let it get to me... I don't know who this "Misa" person is. But whoever it is should probably butt the FUCK OUT.

I only went online today to talk to Danni and I see a little msg aimed at me... I left him alone for the past days so what happened? I called him today out of habit and didn't really notice what I did until he answered. I was wrong but why would that make him hate me more? I didn't say much, just hello. I thought about hanging up but that would be creepy stalkerish.

I'm staying off msn for real now. I'm just going to blog when I can and do homework. The internet always drove me a bit crazy. I just don't understand...

He's always been so much better than me... so much higher than me, brighter than me, he could show more love than I could... I don't understand... I told him before loving someone is difficult for me.. don't make me love you if you're going to be taken away. Next thing I knew I was comfortable hearing his voice, knowing he was on this planet, sitting quietly with him, happy when he was angry, when I got angry... I'm always angry at myself for not being able to do more. I love him I love him I love him I love him, I am always so ugly and disgust myself standing next to him.

What makes me think I deserve him... what makes me think he should have to be with someone like me? A person who cannot give, a person who is too scared to live, a person who is so stupid?
Earlier this month he told me I was his other half. He held me tight and I held him and we told each other we were each other's friends. He is my friend, my soulmate, my other half, He said I was his friend, his soulmate, and his other half too.

I'm being torn into pieces and getting repaired. My heart and mind won't let me think anything bad of him, won't let me ease the pain. I will never tell anyone I hate them ever again. but I hate myself.. how can I love him when I hate me? How can I love me if I make myself hate him?
My mind is just all over the place. I found really creepy drawings that I don't think I did. I don't remember doing them... I will drive and feel like I've woken up once I've arrived. How did I get here...

I can feel the other half doing things for me though. I know she's there making me eat and drink. Making sure I don't die.. What happened to my hair? Not that I don't like it... but...
My bruises are gone finally.

Well... Ashley and I are planning on snowboarding this break. I hope meghan will be able to come too! I'm so sad she couldn't come today.



Guess mine is not the first heart broken, my eyes are not the first tocry
I'm not the first to know, there's just no gettin' over you

Hello, I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around and wait for you
But baby can't you see, there's nothin' else for me to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you

But now there's nowhere to hide, since you pushed my love aside
I'm not in my head, hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you, hopelessly devoted to you

My head is saying "fool, forget him", my heart is saying "don't let go"
Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you

But now there's nowhere to hide, since you pushed my love aside
I'm not in my head, hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you, hopelessly devoted to you

Stop My Head

I've been doing fine since my sister came here. I only came online this one time today to blog something painful. I changed my blog account so go ahead and try to find me.
Since no one reads this I don't have to worry about it.

Today I am meeting with a group of friends who are worried about me. I've lost more than 10 pounds in the past week no matter how much I eat. I was going to go dancing tonight but my friend canceled on me... but I guess I'll still go with my sister. A girl in the cafeteria at college told me to try to go and relax a bit. Don't even know this girl...

Every night I can't stop the dreams. They start as soon as I shut my eyes. I wake up screaming because they should be good dreams but they rip my heart out. It's my own head, why can't I control it? I go to bed laughing and wake up crying. The pain refreshes itself on me and I have to fix it every morning so I can smile and laugh throughout the day.

Last night's dream was the worst. My friends were all there, my sisters, and my cousin... I got a call from the one I love and was chased up a tree by a large dog. I was terrified, the tree wasn't holding my weight. My friends made the dog go away and then He came... He sat with me and we talked. We talked for hours on hours and I was able to stay calm and smile at him. I told him I can handle myself, I love him no matter what, I'm very independent, and thanked him for being such a wonderful and beautiful person. He smiled at me and gave me a hug saying, "I'm so glad. I couldn't ask you to change because you had to do it yourself. Good job. I love you."
I pinched myself and felt his face all over asking him, "Is this real? I'm not dreaming?" I pinched so hard and I felt it. I was positive. I told him, "I can do this! I have friends, you showed me that, I can make my own decisions, you showed me that."
He smiled and said, "I have to go now. I will see you tomorrow." We hugged and parted ways. I felt so happy...

I woke up. It was talk I needed to have with him. I don't want to see him, I don't want to think of him, I just want to be able to be me again. Smile, Tanya. Don't be sad. Draw something, draw something... I'm changing myself. I want to change. If this person is what made him leave then I don't want to be her.
I'm still going to go out tonight. I need to get out and learn how to talk with people, to be myself around people and take off the mask. The night I jumped from my balcony I killed myself over and over until I died.

He can't ask me to change, but doesn't mean that I can't.

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

I'll always love you and make you happy,
If you will only say the same.
But if you leave me and love another,
You'll regret it all some day:

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

You told me once, dear, you really loved me
And no one else could come between.
But not you've left me and love another;
You have shattered all of my dreams:

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

In all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me
When I awake my poor heart pains.
So when you come back and make me happy
I'll forgive you dear, I'll take all the blame.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away